2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
