I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
