i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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