***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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