I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
