Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
