I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
