you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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