I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
