In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
