I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
