Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
