i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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