Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
