I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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