What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
