Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
