I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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