I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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