I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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