yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
