when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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