We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
