just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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