so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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