do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
