maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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