I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
