This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
