Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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