I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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