I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
