It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
