My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
