I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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