i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
