I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
