Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
