A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
