I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
