why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
