Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
