JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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