A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
