You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
