he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
