You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
