The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
