There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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