I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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