walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think a kid would responsible me up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
