The maid of honor just puked.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
