I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
