I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
