Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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