i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
